


Keith

by NowSeeHere



Series: Pupcake Patchwork [13]
Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Pupcake - Freeform, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowSeeHere/pseuds/NowSeeHere
Summary: Patsy is made to pay up on a bet she lost, and unfortunately Valerie is the one she lost to. Thankfully a certain brunette doesn't make the whole thing a complete waste of time.
Relationships: Delia Busby & Patsy Mount, Delia Busby/Patsy Mount
Series: Pupcake Patchwork [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693711
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	Keith

**Author's Note:**

> Happy to finally post this! Wrote this around Halloween which might by why it's got such a campy vibe. Hope you enjoy!

‘ _ Patience Mount always follows through on a lost wager _ .’ Valerie  wagged her finger condescendingly at Patsy through the mirror as she tilted her cowboy hat. 

‘Look, I know what I said,’ Patsy stated angrily, running a finger anxiously under the collar of her shirt, ‘But I still hate you for making me do this song!’ 

The redhead collapsed into a chair behind the dressing room table and buried her head into her elbow, not wanting to even look at her own reflection. Thankfully the dark fabric of her dress jacket blocked out the light, but the smells of sticky sweet liquor hovering in the air only made her feel dizzy. The thumping bass and screaming of women coming directly  through the thin wall  only rattled her nerves even more. The cramped quarters that was their dressing room was filled to the brim with chairs and furniture and dusty Christmas decorations and other rubbish the pub didn’t know what else to do with, along with several racks of costumes and funny hats and wigs and a myriad of other things that hung from the walls that made the atmosphere claustrophobic. 

‘God, I hate clubs,’ Patsy whined into her elbow. 

Valerie pouted at her reflection in the mirror. ‘What’s wrong with the song I picked for you?’

‘Well it’s nearly five minutes long for one.’ 

‘Hey, you said whatever I wanted,’ Valerie chastised, focusing on shining her enormous belt buckle with the cuff of her sleeve. ‘You said  _ If I don’t make it five days without a bloody cigarette I’ll do the bloody show _ , is what you said.’ She whirled around and held up her hand. ‘Five days, no smoking.  _ If you catch me smoking _ , you said,  _ I do the show _ . So I says deal and  _ bam _ , two days into it I catch you red handed having a quick one back in the alley behind the clinic.’

‘I was having a monumentally stressful day!’ Patsy cried defensively. 

‘Well you broke your promise and you’re in it now!’ Valerie turned back to the mirror and straightened her cow print waistcoat. 

Patsy could hear the eastender tisk at her still glowering from her spot behind the dressing room table. 

‘Look, mate, try to relax. You look ill.’ 

‘Well you look like Woody from Toy Story!’ 

‘Patsy, I don’t know what you’re so stressed about, you had all week to practice your song.’ 

Patsy  sank even lower in her chair  and pouted. Valerie had a point, but it took a colossal effort for Patsy to even get over the embarrassment of lip-synching and dancing in front of the mirror in the privacy of her own home. Now she was being made to do it in front of a crowd of people and the pressure to do well was was almost enough to bring her out in hives

‘And I told you, ya don’t have to go full monty, it’s not that kind of show.’ 

‘Just let me feel my feelings, alright?’ 

The distinctive  _ shhk _ sound of curtains opening caught Patsy’s attention, and she looked over to see nothing but the head of some cute brunette poke through and look anxiously at Valerie. 

‘You ready to go?’ she asked. 

‘Oh hey, chick,’ Valerie said casually, not at all bothered by the sudden floating head, ‘all set. You gonna introduce me or what?’

A clipboard materialized through the curtain and the woman squinted to read in the dimly lit room. 

‘Ryder Gently?’

‘That’d be me,’ Valerie grinned as she tipped her hat. 

‘Clever,’ the woman smirked, a crescent dimple appearing in the middle of her cheek that Patsy found rather endearing. ‘Right, so Ewan Troublegirl is wrapping up, want me to give the Dj the signal to play yours or…?’

‘Yeah, tell ‘im to start the song and I’ll come out, cheers love.’ 

The head disappeared and Patsy quirked an eyebrow. ‘Who was that?!’

‘That?’ Valerie pointed her thumb over her shoulder. ‘That was Delia.’ 

Patsy blinked. ‘Whose Delia?’

‘Delia, she’s one of the kids over at the institute. Me an’ Lou go over and teach a class once a month or so, you know this.’ 

‘Yeah but, is that how you met?’

‘Oh, sure, she's a nursing student. Third year in. Got to chatting after class one day and found out she's a keen volunteer with the Pride Center. The whole reason we’re doing this is to raise money for ‘em. She’s running this thing you know, organized it and everything.’

Patsy nearly balked. ‘She's a third year nursing student and still has the time to do all this?’

‘Well, yeah, I mean, she says they helped her find her community when she moved here from Wales and she’s trying to pay it forward and all that.’

Patsy hummed contemplatively. 

‘You’re alright with that?’ Valerie smirked, ‘You’re not a  homophobe  are ya?’

Patsy tisked, ‘Val, what the fuck, you know I’m gay as a maypole.’ 

‘Right, cheers, just checking,’ Valerie mumbled, seemingly distracted by her outfit. ‘You think I should lose the shirt and just wear the waistcoat?’ 

‘What, and go topless?’ Patsy asked, eyes wide in disbelief. 

Valerie ignored her and rushed to remove her waistcoat and her white button down shirt. 

‘You’re seriously going topless?!’ Patsy looked away and brought a hand to her face to give her friend some semblance of privacy. ‘I thought you said this wasn’t  _ that _ kind of show!’ 

‘Hey, I don’t tell you how to do your job!’ Valerie retorted as she whipped off her shirt. Patsy peeked and saw that the woman had placed black tape over her nipples in the form of an X. ‘See? Not completely topless!’

‘What is even the point of those?’

‘Oh some bloody obscenity charges for showing a tit apparently,’ Valerie said, hurriedly putting her waistcoat back on and checking herself in the mirror. ‘Free country, my arse, can’t even walk around with my tits out.’ 

‘Helloooo all my LGBTQuties!!’

Both Patsy and Valerie  stopped and looked to the curtain as the voice behind the mic boomed through the club. 

‘Let’s welcome our next performer with a loud round of applause, the lovely, the sexy, rough ‘em, tough ‘em cowboy, Ryder Gently!’ 

‘Shit,’ Valerie cursed as she rushed out from between the curtains just as Pony by Genuine began to play through the speakers, and Patsy could hear the women in the crowd go nuts. 

Patsy followed her friend to the curtain and peeked out, watching as Valerie began to obscenely dance, falling to her hands and knees and grinding her hips against the floor. 

_ If you're horny lets do it, ride it, my pony _

Patsy wanted to cringe. She knew this was a campy drag show, but for her this was too much, too over the top. She placed her arm against the doorframe and stuck her other hand in her pocket, looking on contemplatively as Valerie hopped around and pretended to lasso some of the women in the crowd. The crowd seemed to love it judging by the cheering and the wads of cash thrown at the stage, and if that were the case, Patsy wondered how in the hell was she supposed to follow this?! 

‘She’s pretty good.’ 

Patsy’s heart leapt in her throat at the sound of a voice next to her. She nearly jumped as she looked down and saw this Delia woman standing beside her all of a sudden. Delia was so close that Patsy could  almost  feel the heat from her body, and it took very little effort on her part to look down and get lost in the amazing cleavage Delia was showing off in that low cut top of hers. 

In an attempt to be respectful, Patsy looked away, but couldn’t help but fuss with her tie, loosening the restrictive garment slightly. 

‘And you,’ Delia remarked, looking to Patsy, ‘Why are you so buttoned up? Aren't you hot?’

_ Well I am now _ , Patsy thought, still unable to look directly at Delia. ‘I’m buttoned up so I have something  _ to  _ unbutton on stage, I suppose.’ 

‘You look good in a suit,’ Delia remarked casually. 

Patsy’s cheeks flushed pink . ‘Oh, um… thanks.’ 

‘Nervous?’ 

‘Absolutely.’ 

‘No need to be, everyone is at least three drinks in and will love you no matter what.’ 

‘Splendid,’ Patsy grumbled. 

‘What’s your stage name anyway?’ Delia asked, bringing her chart close to her face. ‘Val just put you on here as ‘My friend Pats’?’

Patsy turned towards Delia and leaned against the doorframe, sticking her hands in her pockets. ‘Ah, well, didn’t realize I needed one…’

‘So your name is just Pats?’

‘Well, Patience… But call me Patsy, please.’

Delia turned to Patsy and smiled, ‘Sure. I’m Delia by the way.’

‘Right, Val was telling me you’re a nursing student?’ Patsy asked, paying no mind to the woman still gyrating on stage. 

‘Yeah, almost done, thankfully. Get my residency assignment in the spring. How do you know Val?’

Patsy was so lost in an endearing pair of dimples that she struggled for a moment to remember who Val was. 

‘We work together,’ she managed to say. 

‘Oh? You’re a midwife too?’

‘Yeah, few years now.’

‘I’ll have to pick your brain later. Been wanting to retrain since Val and Lucille started coming round to teach those classes.’ 

Val? Val who? ‘Um, sure, anytime.’

‘Don’t know if I thanked you for doing this, means a lot to me and the center.’

Patsy smiled, but felt guilty, knowing she was only here because she lost a bet, but understood that this center meant a lot to Delia. 

‘Ah, well, you know, when Val told me it was for a good cause, thought I’d come in and help.’ she fibbed. 

‘Well I certainly appreciate it. Maybe I can take you out for a coffee sometime as thanks?’ 

Patsy blinked, a smile playing at her lips as she processed what was happening. Did she just get asked out on a date?

The song ended and a loud round of applause and whooping from the crowd brought Patsy and Delia back to the moment, and before Patsy could reply, they both looked to the stage as Valerie grabbed the mic. 

‘Got a special treat for you lovelies tonight, first timer up next so don’t be too hard on ‘er. Remember this is for charity, so open your wallets, possibly your legs, for my good friend, Keith!’ 

Patsy’s jaw nearly hit the floor. 

Delia tilted her head, confused. ‘Keith?’

‘KEITH?!’ Patsy repeated,  glaring  daggers at Valerie as she sauntered off stage, covered in lipstick kisses and wads of crumpled up cash sticking out every which way from her knickers and overflowing from the brim of her hat. 

‘Phew,’ Valerie fanned herself, ‘girls are wild out there. Look out for yourself Pats, they’re thirsty.’ 

‘Seriously?!’ Patsy exclaimed, giving Valerie a  smack  on the shoulder, ‘Keith?  _ Just  _ Keith?!’

‘Hey, whoa now,’ Valerie held up her hands, ‘the ladies go crazy over a bloke named Keith, listen to em!’ 

The enthusiastic whistling and wooting from the crowd went ignored as Patsy suppressed the urge to strangle her friend. 

‘No,  _ Val _ , Bob is a man's name! Mark, Thom... Sebastian!’

‘Wow, that’s… quite a jump there.’ 

‘Keith is… the sound a can of beer makes when you crack it open!’

‘You don’t drink beer!’

‘Well that’s what I imagine it sounds like!’

‘Look, chick, seriously, the ladies love a good Keith, don’t ya Delia?’

Patsy turned to Delia, who looked nothing but thoroughly amused by this interaction. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. 

‘I… suppose we’ll just have to see how  _ Keith  _ does on stage,’ she replied, smiling up at Patsy in a way that made the woman's ears turn red as her hair . 

Patsy felt nerves flutter through her body all over again, suddenly not caring that she was about to do what she was about to do in front of a room full of strangers, but that Delia was going to watch her do it now. Closely. 

‘Good luck,  _ Keith _ ,’ Delia wiggled her eyebrows suggestively before tucking her clipboard under her arm and walking out into the crowd, disappearing through a sea of people. 

‘I’m going to hate-sing this song just for you,’ Patsy seethed as Valerie walked past her towards the dressing room. 

‘Atta girl,’ she replied, and reached back to pinch Patsy on the bum, ‘Save some of that fire for the show, yeah?’ 

Patsy was left standing alone by the curtain, her eyes meeting those of the poor bloke in the glass DJ booth, looking right at her and tapping his fingers impatiently against the counter. 

She took a deep breath. Best to just go and get it over with, she thought. The crowd was waiting, and it was for charity after all. Delia was really watching now, too, wasn’t she? She wanted to impress Delia for reasons unknown to her. Chances were she was just going to make an  arse  of herself, but then again, she wouldn’t be the first person to do something completely stupid to impress a girl, right? Right. 

Another deep breath, and she walked onto the stage, listening to it creak under her feet, and the women in the crowd gave a scattered applause. Patsy made a point to not look at the crowd, halting in the middle of the stage and turning her back towards them. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest, her pulse thundering in her ears. She was shaking with nerves, but with the encouraging sounds coming from the audience, she found it within herself to finally look up at the DJ and give him a nod. 

The ever familiar first notes  _ bwah, wah wah wah  _ filled the small club, and before Patsy even opened her mouth to lip-synch the first words, she had turned on her heel and grasped onto the mic stand, needing it at the very least to anchor herself before she opened her mouth and began to fake sing. 

_ I've been really tryin', baby...Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long… _

The crowd seemed to recognize the song immediately and  erupted  with enthusiastic whistles and applause. Patsy was convinced that the rest of the 4 minutes and 50 seconds of this wouldn’t be so terrible after all. 

_ And if you feel like I feel, baby… Then come on, oh come on… Whoo, let's get it on _

She unbuttoned her blazer and threw it open, and the screaming from the crowd only intensified. 

_ We're all sensitive people… With so much to give, understanding, sugar _

She reached back and undid her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders. The women screamed so loud that she had a hard time hearing the music. Patsy continued to sing, trying to feel the song and the reaction from the crowd, playing with her hair as she swayed back and forth to the music. 

_ I'm asking you baby...To get it on with me...I ain't gonna worry...I ain't gonna push, I won't push you baby _

She loosened her tie and flung it out into the screaming audience. 

_ Let's get it on... _

She undid the first button of her top and actually heard the pitter patter of cash falling at her feet.

_ Let's get it on, you know what I'm talkin' about _

Patsy had to admit it was a huge boost to her ego to see women of all types fight their way to the front of the room to throw their money at her. Enough to make her undo the next few buttons of her top, revealing a scandalous racy red lace bra underneath. 

_ If the spirit moves you, let me groove you… Good, let your love come down, oh, get it on _

She fell to her knees , taking the microphone stand with her  and pretended to sing passionately into the mic for the remainder of the song, letting the women closest to the stage reach out and shove notes in her hands and bra. Patsy had been worried about the length of the song but she was having so much fun she hadn’t realized when it faded out, but the spell was broken as soon as it ended, and she quickly stood and set the mic upright, giving a quick wave and bow to the audience as they applauded her off the stage. 

Patsy was met with the sight of Valerie standing by the curtain enthusiastically whistling through her two fingers, grasping Patsy by the shoulders as they entered the back dressing room. 

‘See!? Lookit that! You basically had sex with your clothes on up there!’

‘Stop.’ Patsy looked away bashfully, not quite believing she had just done that. 

‘Bet you made more money than me,’ Valerie stated, plucking a note from Patsy’s bra strap. ‘Lemme see.’ 

Patsy batted her hand away. ‘Val!’ 

‘Hey!’

‘Oh!’ Patsy was thrown off guard by the appearance of Delia, forgetting for a moment that she was indecently exposed until she noticed Delia’s lingering gaze on her chest. 

‘Come to collect have you?’ Valerie asked teasingly, ‘I see how it is.’ 

‘No, no! I’ve just come to say what an amazing job the both of you did!’ 

‘Aw, thanks love, but Pats here did a cracker of an act for a first timer, right? Fun innit, Pats? What’d you think Deels?’

Patsy held her breath in anticipation  of Delia’s thoughts on her act.

‘Well,’ Delia shrugged, smiling wide, ‘I’ll just say I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be a microphone stand so badly before.’ 

Patsy smirked again, her head suddenly empty of all thoughts except for how wonderful it felt for such a cute woman like Delia to blatantly flirt with her like this. 

Delia blinked and shook her head, looking like it was taking a great effort to collect her thoughts. ‘You two want to hang back for a little bit?’ she managed to ask. ‘Wouldn’t mind catching up and having a chat if you’re up for sticking around.’ 

‘I certainly wouldn’t say no to that. How ‘bout you, Pats?’ 

‘Oh, um, sure,’ Patsy said, hoping she didn’t sound too eager. Though she was rather  eager to spend  more time with Delia, even if Valerie was present. 

‘Brilliant.’ Delia beamed. ‘Snag a seat at the bar and I’ll treat you to a drink while the show wraps up.’ 

\---

Patsy took a deep drag of her cigarette, sort of hating herself for not being able to make it the five days she initially said she would do without, but having done what she had just done, and with a pretty girl like Delia following her around and flirting with her no less,  it had been  an evening of high stress and anxiety. It was a shock to her that this was her only cigarette so far this evening!

Speaking of  the devil , the woman finally appeared through the back door of the club, and Patsy flicked her cigarette into the alley at the sight of her, waving away the smoke that billowed around her. 

‘Hiya!’ Delia said excitedly, grinning as she threw on a light jacket. ‘You hungry? Think there’s a chippy ‘round the corner if I remember correctly… oh, where's Val?’

‘She’s meeting Lucille at the station,’ Patsy replied, nodding her head over her shoulder. ‘Said she’d be back.’

‘Oh, guess we could wait?’

‘If the place you want to go is nearby I don't see the harm in heading there. I can text her where we end up.’ 

Thunder rumbled in the distance and Patsy looked up. The night sky was nothing but clouds. The lights from the city reflected off them and from what Patsy could  see , they were heavy and dark, and she wondered if they were about to be graced with a typical summer rain. 

Delia seemed to be thinking the same thing as she wiped a raindrop off the tip off her nose. 

‘Suppose we better hurry,’ Delia remarked.

‘Grand idea.’ 

Delia smirked, ‘This way.’

She took off and Patsy followed, hands in her pockets. Their footsteps against the cobblestone echoed loudly through the alleyway and the silence left Patsy wondering if she should say something to make light of the fact that Delia has basically seen her do a strip tease on stage not more than an hour before. 

Thankfully, Delia beat her to it. 

‘I wasn’t lying earlier when I said you look good in a suit,’ the woman stated, looking back at Patsy as she continued to walk. 

Patsy managed to get out a ‘Thanks.’ before the skies really did open up and bestowed on them an onslaught of rain that had them running to the nearest shelter. 

Which, of course, was an ancient red phone  box.

Patsy closed the door behind them, and she was quick to note their close proximity. Earlier she had thought the dressing room in the club was claustrophobic, but this was an entirely new level. 

She pushed her back against the glass wall as far as she could to give Delia  some  space. It still didn't seem like enough. Their body heat and ragged breath fogged the glass panes of the  box  so much that soon they were unable to see the alley outside, only hear the rain that beat hard against their little shelter. 

‘Alright?’ Patsy asked.

‘What?’ Delia asked, looking up at her with big blue eyes. ‘Oh, yeah. It’s just…’ 

‘What?’

Delia smirked, blushing. ‘You wore a white shirt and…’ 

Patsy looked down to  find her top completely soaked and her lacy red bra showing through proudly. She looked up and banged the back of her head against the panel of the phone booth, giving a frustrated sigh through her nose. 

‘Don’t fret, you’re alright,’ Delia said, fussing with Patsy’s jacket. ‘Said you looked good, didn’t I?’ 

‘I know, it’s just… now that the adrenaline’s worn off from the show I kind of want to  look normal again.’ 

‘And what’s normal?’

Patsy looked up and sighed, ‘Oh, dunno. Same as I’m wearing really except not wet?’

Delia grinned. ‘You wear suits like this all the time then?’

‘I wear dresses too…’ Patsy replied, pouting slightly. 

Delia looked down and smiled bashfully, playing with a button on Patsy’s top. ‘I’d love to see you in a dress…’ she said softly. 

Patsy took a deep breath and worked to calm her nerves, finding a wet tendril of Delia’s hair and looping it around her finger. ‘I’m very versatile,’ she replied, her voice just as soft. 

She was relieved to see Delia smiling in return. ‘Oh, in just what you wear, or…?’

‘Or?’

‘Or…’ Delia looked up in thought, smiling up at Patsy, ‘In other  facets of your life?’

Patsy couldn’t help but smile as she felt Delia’s hands on her hips. It gave her the courage to flirt back. ‘Oh, I’m multifaceted in many areas.’

‘That’s nice,’ Delia replied, her focus on Patsy’s lips. ‘Though I’m really just talking about one area in particular.’

Daring. Very daring, Patsy thought. She could be more daring though. 

‘I know,’ she replied, her finger finding a belt loop and pulling Delia closer. ‘I can show you sometime if you like.’

Delia gasped, and the sound of it made Patsy’s entire body pulse with desire. 

‘You’re very forward,’ Delia replied, a cheeky grin on her face. 

Patsy raised an eyebrow. ‘Too much?’

Delia shook her head. ‘No, just right,’ she said softly. 

Patsy felt a hand creep up her arm, and then cup her face. Fingers entangled in her hair and forced her to lean down and close the gap between her and Delia. Their lips met with a soft tenderness at first, growing accustomed to one another, before quickly moving to something more salacious, more intimate. Patsy opened her mouth and gently pressed her tongue to Delia’s, eliciting a moan from the smaller woman that  made Patsy sigh.

A cool wind brushed against Patsy’s face, and both she and Delia pulled away abruptly, startled by the sudden opening of the telephone box door. She could feel Delia grasp onto the lapel of her jacket and hold her close as they both looked to see who had interrupted their intimate moment. 

They were met with the stunned, albeit amused gazed of their friends Lucille and Valerie, the former looking in curiously as she held a large umbrella over her and Valerie's head. 

‘Seriously mate?’ Valerie asked, raising an eyebrow, ‘This is fast even for lesbians.’ 

Delia shyly buried her head into Patsy’s chest, but Patsy merely glared at her friend, figuring she had heard enough of her commentary for one evening. 

Patsy wrapped one arm tight around Delia’s waist, and shut the door with the other. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wondering why Keith? Naturally it's from a silly [conversation between friends](https://imgur.com/a/mjEBg7z). 
> 
> Looking forward to the next patchwork from none other than the wonderful and talented [Wheely_Jessi!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheely_Jessi/pseuds/Wheely_Jessi)


End file.
